Do it or have it?

Do you do sex or do you have it? In some cases one and in some the other, I think. Most of the time for me sex is a hobby, like video games. One is doing well or doing poorly. One is in control of the situation, he or she acts, and the other party responds, and then he or she responds and so on. When it's done one can review how it played out. Which moves were wise and which were unwise? Which were "totally sweet!"? In these cases one has done sex.

In a few rare instances one swept away. One is not thinking about one's next move. One is not planning strategy of attack. One is not thinking at all really, but actually feeling what is going on. When one has sex it is like having an ice cream cone. One does not do an ice cream cone, one has an ice cream cone. Sometimes, one does not do sex, one has sex.

Why is it that it is so much easier to have an ice cream cone than it is to have sex?

Maybe it's about complexity. Ice cream cones are much simpler than sex is. Sometimes one has to have a non dripping strategy, but that's all there is to think about when having an ice cream. There are more complicated factors at work during sex. Timing, pressure, intensity. Breathing and touching and all that is complicated. It may take lots of thought. The strange thing is that one has sex rather than doing it, one deals with all those factors without even considering them. Having a strategy is useful sometimes, but definitely not necessary, and sometimes gets in the way of having sex.

I think the difference is self control. When one is in conscious control of one's self one is doing sex. Without that conscious control, one is having sex. I was thinking about this distinction because a partner recently wanted me to do something and tried to reassure me by telling me it had nothing to do with control. It was then that I realized that sex may not have anything to do with control on my partner's end, but for me it is always all about control. Not control of other people over me, but of me having control over myself. That is why sex is more enjoyable than an ice cream cone when you're having it, and more fun than an ice cream cone when you're doing it. Err... I mean, I rarely feel in danger of losing myself over an ice cream cone.